’50 Shades of Grey Nicolls’ – an erotic cricket novel in 69 parts

She looked at Jimmy’s manly, chiseled features across her pillows, he was a young stud fast bowler who swung both ways, and now his lean body was naked in her bed.

She pushed back the covers and noticed that he was short of a length.

“What’s the matter baby, you can’t pitch it up for me?”  

“Ney lass, that’s got nowt te do with it, I’m just tired an’ shagged out after a hard day bowlin’on t’ square”, he replied in his quaint northern brogue.

“Would you like me to do some more ball tampering?” she whispered seductively.

“Not now luv, I’ve got te bowl twenty overs at Hashim tomorra, an’ that’s like bowlin’ at t’ brick wall, innit.”

“ohh Jimmy baby can’t you bowl one more maiden over tonight, you know how your tickle to leg turns me on”, she breathed.

She allowed her covers to fall away, and exposed her taught body.

“Ooooh, if you’re gonna flash, flash hard, I always say” said Jimmy, beads of sweat visible on his manly brow.

Suddenly aroused by the sight of her naked body, he rolled over on top of her.

“Ohh Jimmy, is that a middle stump or are you just pleased to see me? she murmered.  “Now that’s what I call a good length,” she added as she studied his bodyline.

“Brace yourself lass, I’m following on”

“Ohhhh baby yes! push that third-man deeper”, she screamed…

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<repeat ad nauseum for 292 pages, sign a multi-book deal, and sell the movie rights. Grab your cheque and run off to Barbados. Buy a large house overlooking Hole Town. Get yourself an ice-cold Banks’s beer, sit down on the beach and watch the sun setting over the Caribbean sea, whilst reflecting that nobody ever got poor underestimating the taste of the great british public.>